Persecuted by her ex, she left the city and her son to start her life over: 'I lost my family'

Persecuted by her ex, the woman had to leave the city and her son to start her life over. Lana Hernandes' relationship started like a fairy tale. Flowers, chocolates, displays of affection and the feeling of having found the ideal man. Over time, however, what seemed like care turned into control. ? Follow g1 São Carlos and Araraquara on Instagram Little by little, she no longer had autonomy over her own routine. Her then-husband began to interfere in the places she frequented, her work, her finances and even her cell phone. Lana says that a device she had received as a gift had spying mechanisms, such as listening and tracking. Lana is part of the stories told in the special series “Dona Penha”, on EPTV, which marks 20 years of the Maria da Penha Law. Today, a resident of Araraquara (SP), she talks about the violence she suffered, but also about the path she found to survive and start over. "I reinvented myself, it was 10 years of my life, when I lost my family, when I left my son," he said. Lana Hernandes now works as a mentor and helps women who are victims of domestic violence EPTV Reproduction Starting over far away To be able to break up definitively, Lana had to make a difficult decision: leave the city where she lived and move to Araraquara. The change meant giving up his routine, his family, the city where he had built his life and also his daily life with his son. "I left a lot of things behind. My family remained, my city, my comfort zone", he said. In Araraquara, she arrived without knowing practically anyone and had to start again. The move also brought financial difficulties, as he arrived in the city with reduced working hours. A woman he met during this period ended up becoming a fundamental part of the support network. Lana found a place to stay and found shelter just when she needed it most. This network was essential for her to be able to reorganize herself and move forward. Distance and guilt Despite having managed to leave the relationship, Lana carries one of the most difficult consequences of the decision: distance from her son. She says that she stopped participating in the routine she had with him, such as picking him up from school, having lunch together and participating in meetings. “I felt the bitter sweet of motherhood from a distance,” she said. Guilt is still part of the story she tells, but Lana also recognizes that she needed to choose between remaining in that situation or finding a way to survive and rebuild her own life. "I hope that one day he forgives me, that he understands that I made that choice. Because it was that or maybe my absence", he said. Lana started her life again in Araraquara to guarantee her own safety while her ex-partner Reproduction EPTV Read also: VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN: 'Dona Penha': understand types of violence against women and how the Maria da Penha Law has strengthened in 20 years REGION: Three cities with the most feminicides do not have a Women's Police Station in the interior of SP; remember cases EDUCATION: School trains young people against machismo and violence against women in the interior of SP New life The fresh start did not happen overnight. Lana needed to rebuild her self-esteem and relearn how to make decisions on her own. Today, she works as a corporate mentor and travels to different places giving talks about domestic violence. The experience that was once a source of shame has now been used as a tool to help other women. She says that one of the greatest rewards is meeting women who, after hearing her story, decided to seek help, study, work or break off abusive relationships. Lana also started to experience things that were not part of her life before. Among them, skydiving. The first jump gained symbolic meaning. For her, it was like leaving the woman who had lived through those 10 years of violence on the plane. "I'm going to throw that Lana, that old Lana from the plane, and she goes without a parachute. Up until now I've cried, up until now I've lamented. The moment I touch my feet on the ground is a new life", he said. Lana also started to experience things that were not part of her life before. Among them, skydiving. Personal archive Cyclical violence At different times, Lana tried to break off the relationship. On these occasions, however, the companion's behavior changed. After the attacks and threats came apologies and periods of apparent tranquility. Today, she recognizes this movement as the so-called cycle of violence, marked by phases of tension, aggression and a type of reconciliation, known as the “honeymoon”. After a month or a month and a half, the situation repeated itself. The violence increased in intensity. Lana says that she began to develop greater resistance to aggression, without realizing that this also contributed to the escalation of violence. "The level of resistance to pain, so he knows that he can get that far. And then, the next time, it's not the same, it's more", he reported. Hair cut while sleeping One of the most striking episodes happened because of a jealousy crisis. The man believed that someone had run their hand through Lana's hair. During the night, while she was sleeping, he cut her hair. The episode was only known to the family much later. For people who lived with Lana, the change seemed like just a visual decision because she didn't tell them what had happened. The violence also began to affect his emotional health. Shame, denial and questions came about how that situation had become part of his life. "You are ashamed, you deny it, you actually start to show some signs of depression. Why? The question that echoed in my head: how did I get to this?", he said. Detail of the necklace that Lana carries on her chest with an image of her son Reproduction EPTV Vulnerability Lana comments that one of the main factors that made the break difficult was the aggressor's relationship with