Survivor of violence turns pain into support for other women: 'I mourn for them'

Survivor of domestic violence begins to help other women break the cycle Behind the care of women who arrive at the Women's Reference Center (CRM), in Leme (SP), is a professional who knows firsthand the fear, shame and difficulty of asking for help. Paula Zanchettin, social worker, was also a victim of domestic violence and had to rebuild her own life after years marked by attacks and threats. The story began in her youth, when Paula suffered sexual violence after having a drug put in her drink during a party. The episode was followed by fear and silence for years, until she managed to break the cycle. ? Follow g1 São Carlos and Araraquara on Instagram The social worker is part of the stories told in the special series “Dona Penha”, on EPTV, which marks 20 years of the Maria da Penha Law. "When I suffered domestic violence, I didn't have a support network, but they had the courage to come and seek support. So that made me stronger, if they are coming, I will fight for them. Today I fight for the defense of women", he said. Paula Zanchettin, social worker, was also a victim of domestic violence and today helps other women to break the cycle Reproduction/EPTV From survival to acceptance The experience of extreme violence ended up giving a new meaning to Paula's professional trajectory. After managing to get away from her attacker, she began going to therapy and received the opportunity to work with women who were facing situations similar to the one she had experienced. The social worker recognizes feelings in women who come to the service that were also part of their history: fear, insecurity, shame and the difficulty of believing that there is a way out. For Paula, being able to accompany these women also represents a way of giving new meaning to her own story. “Being able to help them is good, it’s something that completes me inside,” he said. She avoids transforming her own experience into a detailed account in front of the victims, but makes a point of showing that she knows that pain and that it is possible to survive it. "I give myself the freedom to comment, not in so many details, about what happened to me. But so that they know that I also went through what they went through", he commented. Shame and emotional suffering Paula remembers that the abusive relationship caused a lot of shame and emotional suffering. She says she fell into a deep depression and began to bear the consequences of psychological and physical violence, as well as threats, alone. When she found out she was pregnant, she decided she didn't want to get married. It was then that his partner pointed a gun at his head and made a threat that marked his life: “If you don't stay with me, you won't stay with anyone else, because I'll kill you", he recalled. Read also: EDUCATION: School trains young people against machismo and violence against women in the interior of SP MOURNING: 'He didn't just destroy her life, he destroyed ours': the pain of families after femicides DATA: Three cities with the most femicides do not have a Women's Police Station in the interior of SP; remember cases Social worker Paula Zanchettin is in charge of CRM, in Leme and fights to defend women Reproduction/EPTV Cycle of violence Paula managed to ask her father for help and decided not to allow the man to get closer. But breaking up was not simple. He asked for forgiveness, promised to change and, at a certain point, Paula returned to the relationship. The cycle started again. Psychological violence was one of the most difficult parts to recognize. Before the most serious physical attacks, there were humiliations, threats and situations that lowered their self-esteem. For Paula, this type of violence can be even more difficult to identify precisely because it does not leave visible marks. "The violence that hurts women the most and kills women is psychological violence. I wanted to scream, someone abused me, but I couldn't pass it on to anyone. Because it is silent, it doesn't leave marks", he said. Paula Zanchettin works daily with cases of domestic violence in Leme Reproduction/EPTV Extreme aggressions At another time, the attacks reached the extreme. Paula was beaten and lost consciousness. “He hit me really, really hard, to the point where I passed out and he took me to the hospital.” The attack took place in front of the daughter. Even with her face covered in bruises, Paula initially did not allow the hospital to call the police. It was only the next day, when he looked in the mirror and realized the extent of his injuries, that he found the strength to report it. "The other day, when I woke up, I looked in the mirror, because my face was all purple, very purple. Then I had courage", he commented. Support network The lack of a support network also made leaving difficult. Paula says that, when she looked for people close to her, she was not always welcomed. At the same time, she found people who helped rebuild her life. When she decided to leave the relationship, she found a place to live and had the help of family and friends to get through the first few days. The separation meant giving up financial stability and starting practically from scratch. The fresh start was difficult, but it also represented the possibility of regaining one's autonomy. Today she is a tireless example of the fight to defend women in the region. REVIEW VIDEOS FROM EPTV CENTRAL: See more news from the region on g1 São Carlos and Araraquara